📢 On Alchemy - pt.1

Friends, Friends' Friends and more

I’ve found that the phase of life between your mid to late 20s is marked by continual displacement. You’re always changing jobs, cities, flats or partners. If not you, those around you are.

Your circle evolves with your circumstances. I moved to Mumbai at the peak of the pandemic, so the people I got closest to were my college friends who lived in the city and the guys I met in my building. When I left home for London a couple of years on, I noticed my bond with school friends there deepened.

Funnily enough, in Mumbai I became close to my college friends’ school friends. And, vice-versa in London.

I’m fascinated by this Friend’s Friend (FF) genre. You automatically start at a baseline level of comfort with them. The background and character checks have already been done. It’s an interaction largely sans of small talk as there are enough clutch points - usually around the Cupid Friend - to lubricate conversation. It’s like starting a book you know you’re going to enjoy. And similarly, the FF gives you a new POV on a book you’ve already read.

It is a crutch to help navigate the vagaries and loneliness of modern life. I found the flat I currently live in as a FF had a spare room they were looking to fill. Squash became a part of my weekly routine through a FF. The bookclub I’m a part of is run by a FF.

The friend’s friend is a beautifully nebulous classification. When does a FF become a F? Is it when you hang out without the Cupid Friend? And the first time you do so, why does it almost feel like cheating?

A FF makes your world bigger but it does the opposite when you are the Cupid Friend. Seeing people from different parts of your life come together can be anxiety-inducing. But when they get along, it can be life-affirming. The sense that all disparate sides of you can co-exist in harmony. Your world is pulled closer together as new strands of connection are built with those you already knew. Stories no longer require context as the characters all meld into one narrative.

It’s a feeling I experienced most keenly through Sakshi and one of my childhood friends, Kunal. I put the two in touch when she moved to Boston for work, roughly two years ago. The two grew close quickly and soon their circles merged into one. They’ve built a friendship that is independent of me. And for some ineffable reason, that fills me with a deep sense of happiness.

I remember a night-out in Boston sometime last year, when I was explaining to Kunal the tell-sign for when Sakshi is drunk. “Bro I’m not sure you know, but we’ve all gone out drinking together many times. I know this,” he solemnly replied over the blaring music. One time, both of them even came to pick me up from Logan Airport together on my quarterly Boston trip.

There was also this other instance in March - 3rd if I’m not wrong - when at my behest, he picked up Sakshi from Logan. Her brother was with her too. Kunal drove them to the Boston harbour, where I was patiently waiting.

To be continued…